Dating with Children

>> Friday, May 28

If my relationship with BD weren’t hard enough with me having to worry about him because of his job as an officer, throw into the mix that he is also a father to a young son. If our relationship were to progress to a far more serious level like marriage, then not only would I be sharing my life with BD, but I would also be sharing my life with his son, his son’s brother, his son’s mom and her family. BD comes as a family unit and I would definitely happily embrace the whole unit, no questions asked, because I love BD very much. I can’t take one without the other and I wouldn’t want to. Not only is BD raising his son but he is also a great male role model for his son’s brother. That is the kind of man he is and the kind of heart BD has and one of the many, many reasons why I love him. I truly honor him for having the courage and being there for someone else’s son and being a shining example of a man.

I’ve not met BD’s son yet but I’ve seen pictures of him and he is an adorable young man. I must say that the way BD

My life with BD, if the relationship should get to that point, will need to be discussed in detail about what we both think is necessary to be unified as a family unit. For me, I think the most important thing is that BD’s son; his son’s brother, his son’s mother and her family understand that they are important and integral in our lives and are always loved and welcomed. I clearly understand that as we move forward that I’m not just entering into a serious relationship with just BD but I am entering a family and I don’t want to overthrow that dynamic off too much especially if it works.

Dating anyone with children is stressful but I feel it necessary to take a step back and look at the picture as a whole and ask myself is BD worth it and he most certainly is. Dating someone with a child is hard and a great responsibility for both parties involved. It weighs very heavy for the person without the children just as much for the parent of the child. Yes, it’s different than dating someone without children but you have to ask is your significant other worth it. I get asked a lot how I feel that I haven’t met BD’s son yet, but my answer to that is - BD’s priority above all else, even me, is his son. Just because BD has not introduced me to his son doesn’t mean I don’t matter to him, it means he is protective and cares deeply about his son’s well being. He doesn’t want women coming in and out of his son’s life and I truly respect that. Children watch what you do and see everything. They do everything they see their parent do, so what I would want for BD’s son to see if BD and I do get to that point is that his father and I are a strong team and that we have a healthy and happy relationship. When the time comes for him to date and choose a mate of his own, he will perfect examples of what a great relationship looks and feels like set by his mother/ his father and I.

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent and dating is even harder; however when you find the right person, who is patient and understanding, it can be a true joy.  When the time comes and BD feels it is right for me to meet his son, I will never push myself onto him, never demand that he like me; and most importantly, never try to replace his mother. I would want a relationship with his son to happen naturally and not be forced. I’m not looking to be his mother because he already has one. As long as he knows that I’m a woman who loves his daddy and will love him and his brother just as much and will do whatever it takes to make them all happy, that is all that matters to me. When we get to that point, I’ll let BD tell me the short term and long term roles he would like me to play in his son’s life.

In my vision of the kind of man I wanted to fall in love with, I in no way saw myself being with someone with kids. I just envisioned meeting someone, getting married, buying a house and starting our own family – old-fashioned, I know but that’s what I had in mind. Having since met BD, falling in love with him and seeing the love he has for his son just by him talking about him, I have changed my tune. In order for this relationship to work with all parties involved, it’s going to take a little maturity, a whole lot of flexibility and willingness on everyone’s part.


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